in writing for the past week we have been writing a recount of the best day ever. My best day ever is about when I went horse riding with a friend. I tried to make it in the right order but I might have got a couple of things in the wrong order because it was a longish time ago. I haven't finished my story yet so dont judge me, OK.The highlighted things mean
Sound-yellow
speech-green
see-light blue
action-pink
thoughts-dark blue
feeling-orange
here is my story:
“yaaaaay” I muttered excitedly and hung on for dare life, hearing the thunder of hooves. I heard Ella congratulate me and I felt as happy as i've ever been.
I sat in the back of Ella’s car thinking, nervously. I was extremely excited but also really scared. It was going to be the first time riding on one of Ella’s horses. As we pulled into the paddocks,. I looked around seeing a few paddocks with a couple of jumps and horses grazing.I was breathless. We parked up the car and Ella got out and started racing around filling the horses water, getting stuff out of the car, getting ready and pulling stuff out of bags. I stood there feeling awkward. “I don't know what to do”I said to Ella, laughing. “Don't worry we’re going catch Vinny now” she replied. I pulled on the boots , that Ella let me borrow, and jogged over to where Ella was standing. Then we walked into the paddock and up to Vinny. I started laughing because of vinny’s cute fluffy butt but then Ella showed me how to put on the halter and handed me the lead rope and showed me how to hold it. “This is fun” I thought smiling. We walked over to the fence where we tied up vinny and started to tacked him up. Ella showed me how to and I did the best that I could, which was pretty bad, but Ella said I did great.
Then I hopped up on the horse and started to warm him up. I stayed in walk for about three laps until ella was ready then she came up to me and asked if I was ready for a trot. I nodded nervously. I clicked my tongue and kick vinny on and he did this weird jump into the trot. The jump made me lose my stirrup. So I was trying to post as well as get my foot back in the stirrup. Vinny's trot was really weird because we were warming him up but I soon got used to it. But when ever I went to turn him he would stop. I felt like I was doing everything wrong and I got really flustered but I took a big breath and I calmed down. I squeezed him again and he started walking again.
“Do you reckon you could canter now” Ella asked walking along beside. “Um what do you do” I asked confused. “You just sit down in the saddle and don't post or anything and you’ll get thrown up a bit but It's fine”I took a deep breath and nodded nervously. Ella grabbed Vinny’s noseband and started running. Vinny started troting then all of a sudden his movement changed and I started getting thrown up but I sat down deeply and it wasn't that bad.I saw the grass turning slightly into a blur and gulped. “Im doing it” I thought excitedly and hung on for dear life. I heard Ella congratulate me and I felt as happy as i've ever been. “Cantering is so fun” I thought but at the same time I said out loud “that was scary”. I heard vinny snort and I laughed. I cantered a few more times till I stopped and made Ella ride.
I walked over to the barrel jump and sat there, because Ella said Vinny can’t jump it yet. I was amazed at how good at riding ella was. I saw her at the end of the paddock trotting and cantering around to warm herself up. Then she turned to the jump and kicked vinny on. He cantered up to the jump but then he didnt jump knocked over the pole then did this weird jump. “That's a refusel and a jump” Ella called out and gave me the thumbs up. I gave the thumbs up back to her. I started to laugh and she laughed as well. Then she turned Vinny around and and tried again. This time vinny did a perfect jump. When Ella did the jumping circuit in the paddock I imaged Ella me and I smiled at that thought. Then Ella turned around and trotted up to me. I smiled as I heard Vinny’s heaving breathing. “Well done Ella, that was great” I gushed scratching vinny on the forehead.“Nah It wasn't my best work” Ella said laughing. “Can i go on him now” I asked patting vinny on his soft nose. “Yeah you can but I’ll just walk him around for a little bit so he can cool down” ella replied squeezing Vinny to walk around. I sat there dreaming of me having a horse until Ella pulled vinny up near me and got off.Then I hopped up on the horse and started to warm him up. I stayed in walk for about three laps until ella was ready then she came up to me and asked if I was ready for a trot. I nodded nervously. I clicked my tongue and kick vinny on and he did this weird jump into the trot. The jump made me lose my stirrup. So I was trying to post as well as get my foot back in the stirrup. Vinny's trot was really weird because we were warming him up but I soon got used to it. But when ever I went to turn him he would stop. I felt like I was doing everything wrong and I got really flustered but I took a big breath and I calmed down. I squeezed him again and he started walking again. “Do you reckon you could canter now” Ella asked walking along beside. “Um what do you do” I asked confused. “You just sit down in the saddle and don't post or anything and you’ll get thrown up a bit but It's fine”I took a deep breath and nodded nervously. Ella grabbed Vinny’s noseband and started running. Vinny started troting then all of a sudden his movement changed and I started getting thrown up but I sat down deeply and it wasn't that bad.I saw the grass turning slightly into a blur and gulped. “Im doing it” I thought excitedly and hung on for dear life. I heard Ella congratulate me and I felt as happy as i've ever been. “Cantering is so fun” I thought but at the same time I said out loud “that was scary”. I heard vinny snort and I laughed. I cantered a few more times till I stopped and made Ella ride. I walked over to the barrel jump and sat there, because Ella said Vinny can’t jump it yet. I was amazed at how good at riding ella was. I saw her at the end of the paddock trotting and cantering around to warm herself up. Then she turned to the jump and kicked vinny on. He cantered up to the jump but then he didnt jump knocked over the pole then did this weird jump. “That's a refusel and a jump” Ella called out and gave me the thumbs up. I gave the thumbs up back to her. I started to laugh and she laughed as well. Then she turned Vinny around and and tried again. This time vinny did a perfect jump. When Ella did the jumping circuit in the paddock I imaged Ella me and I smiled at that thought. Then Ella turned around and trotted up to me. I smiled as I heard Vinny’s heaving breathing. “Well done Ella, that was great” I gushed scratching vinny on the forehead.“Nah It wasn't my best work” Ella said laughing. “Can i go on him now” I asked patting vinny on his soft nose. “Yeah you can but I’ll just walk him around for a little bit so he can cool down” ella replied squeezing Vinny to walk around. I sat there dreaming of me having a horse until Ella pulled vinny up near me and got off.
Then I hopped up on the horse and started to warm him up. I stayed in walk for about three laps until ella was ready then she came up to me and asked if I was ready for a trot. I nodded nervously. I clicked my tongue and kick vinny on and he did this weird jump into the trot. The jump made me lose my stirrup. So I was trying to post as well as get my foot back in the stirrup. Vinny's trot was really weird because we were warming him up but I soon got used to it. But when ever I went to turn him he would stop. I felt like I was doing everything wrong and I got really flustered but I took a big breath and I calmed down. I squeezed him again and he started walking again.
“Do you reckon you could canter now” Ella asked walking along beside. “Um what do you do” I asked confused. “You just sit down in the saddle and don't post or anything and you’ll get thrown up a bit but It's fine”I took a deep breath and nodded nervously. Ella grabbed Vinny’s noseband and started running. Vinny started troting then all of a sudden his movement changed and I started getting thrown up but I sat down deeply and it wasn't that bad.I saw the grass turning slightly into a blur and gulped. “Im doing it” I thought excitedly and hung on for dear life. I heard Ella congratulate me and I felt as happy as i've ever been. “Cantering is so fun” I thought but at the same time I said out loud “that was scary”. I heard vinny snort and I laughed. I cantered a few more times till I stopped and made Ella ride.
I walked over to the barrel jump and sat there, because Ella said Vinny can’t jump it yet. I was amazed at how good at riding ella was. I saw her at the end of the paddock trotting and cantering around to warm herself up. Then she turned to the jump and kicked vinny on. He cantered up to the jump but then he didnt jump knocked over the pole then did this weird jump. “That's a refusel and a jump” Ella called out and gave me the thumbs up. I gave the thumbs up back to her. I started to laugh and she laughed as well. Then she turned Vinny around and and tried again. This time vinny did a perfect jump. When Ella did the jumping circuit in the paddock I imaged Ella me and I smiled at that thought. Then Ella turned around and trotted up to me. I smiled as I heard Vinny’s heaving breathing. “Well done Ella, that was great” I gushed scratching vinny on the forehead.“Nah It wasn't my best work” Ella said laughing. “Can i go on him now” I asked patting vinny on his soft nose. “Yeah you can but I’ll just walk him around for a little bit so he can cool down” ella replied squeezing Vinny to walk around. I sat there dreaming of me having a horse until Ella pulled vinny up near me and got off.Then I hopped up on the horse and started to warm him up. I stayed in walk for about three laps until ella was ready then she came up to me and asked if I was ready for a trot. I nodded nervously. I clicked my tongue and kick vinny on and he did this weird jump into the trot. The jump made me lose my stirrup. So I was trying to post as well as get my foot back in the stirrup. Vinny's trot was really weird because we were warming him up but I soon got used to it. But when ever I went to turn him he would stop. I felt like I was doing everything wrong and I got really flustered but I took a big breath and I calmed down. I squeezed him again and he started walking again. “Do you reckon you could canter now” Ella asked walking along beside. “Um what do you do” I asked confused. “You just sit down in the saddle and don't post or anything and you’ll get thrown up a bit but It's fine”I took a deep breath and nodded nervously. Ella grabbed Vinny’s noseband and started running. Vinny started troting then all of a sudden his movement changed and I started getting thrown up but I sat down deeply and it wasn't that bad.I saw the grass turning slightly into a blur and gulped. “Im doing it” I thought excitedly and hung on for dear life. I heard Ella congratulate me and I felt as happy as i've ever been. “Cantering is so fun” I thought but at the same time I said out loud “that was scary”. I heard vinny snort and I laughed. I cantered a few more times till I stopped and made Ella ride. I walked over to the barrel jump and sat there, because Ella said Vinny can’t jump it yet. I was amazed at how good at riding ella was. I saw her at the end of the paddock trotting and cantering around to warm herself up. Then she turned to the jump and kicked vinny on. He cantered up to the jump but then he didnt jump knocked over the pole then did this weird jump. “That's a refusel and a jump” Ella called out and gave me the thumbs up. I gave the thumbs up back to her. I started to laugh and she laughed as well. Then she turned Vinny around and and tried again. This time vinny did a perfect jump. When Ella did the jumping circuit in the paddock I imaged Ella me and I smiled at that thought. Then Ella turned around and trotted up to me. I smiled as I heard Vinny’s heaving breathing. “Well done Ella, that was great” I gushed scratching vinny on the forehead.“Nah It wasn't my best work” Ella said laughing. “Can i go on him now” I asked patting vinny on his soft nose. “Yeah you can but I’ll just walk him around for a little bit so he can cool down” ella replied squeezing Vinny to walk around. I sat there dreaming of me having a horse until Ella pulled vinny up near me and got off.
I think I did a good job of writing everything in order and my punctuation. I think I could work on making my words better like upgrading my words
Here is the slide that I got all my information off. CLICK ME
could I change my story to make it better? Could I edit it better?
Byeeeeee
Hellooooooo Ammalina,
ReplyDeleteI love your best day ever, My favourite part was the best. I love the way you hooked me/the reader into your story. maybe next time you could have like all of it highlighted.
Thanks
Freya ;]